![]() It is almost like you have to just create enough openness to let it happen. It is a strange work of art the way settling in with the intent to observe and notice, to rest awareness with what the mind is doing, be it relaxing or painful, tends to point us in the way of liberation and peace. So nice to still get these updates every so often, I always appreciate your thoughts and wisdom. Holly, I can just remember your soothing teachings on being curious with what is happening in the moment, as I sit here over 3,000 miles away. Let us know what happens in our comment section below. So next time you are meditating and wishing you were more relaxed, try welcoming the feeling and get exceptionally curious about it. And that is when you are likely to notice more of that peace of mind you were after in the first place. If you get good at doing this in meditation practice-watching with curiosity the desire for things to be different-you’ll get better at doing it in real life, and your Little Suffering will lighten up. Offer this old friend a seat, and see how long he chooses to stay this time. Treat it like an old friend who has come to visit. Welcome the restlessness instead of pushing it away. What does that desire feel like? Where is it located in your body? And keep breathing, watching the breath, feeling the restlessness, noticing the not-liking-it feeling with curiosity. Get as curious as you can about that desire to feel differently. What is present? Tension in your body? Anxious thoughts? The desire to feel differently? You do this by shifting to observing what is happening in the moment instead of evaluating it. The trick is to be curious and interested in the uncomfortable feelings without trying to suppress them or shove them away. How do you instead narrow the gap between how things are and how you wish they were? Your thoughts are widening the gap between how things are (there are some unpleasant sensations in your body) and how you want them to be (only pleasant sensations in your body.) Soon you feel like your head will explode if your meditation timer doesn’t go off right NOW. Those thoughts add to your stress and frustration, amping up the Little Suffering in the moment. “I thought meditation was supposed to make me calm.” When you feel restless or anxious during meditation, much of the suffering you experience is due to wanting things to be different in the moment. ![]() Perhaps all suffering, but especially Little Suffering, is caused by the gap between how things are in this moment and how you wish they were. Which is why meditation is the best way to learn to deal with Little Suffering so that you are not made miserable by it all the time. It also happens when you are meditating and you want to feel peaceful but instead you feel restless. Or when you have a bad case of FOMO because you have to work or study while your friends are hanging out. Or when you lose your phone or have to call the cable company. It sets in when you spill your coffee or fight with your girlfriend. Perhaps all suffering is caused by the gap between how things are in this moment and how you wish they were.Little Suffering is the suffering that follows all of us around most of the time, and thus on a daily basis interferes with our quality of life. But it won’t be because you have figured out a way to create relaxation on command. If you develop a consistent meditation practice, you will almost certainly find that overall you are more calm and peaceful than before you started meditating. I think I must be quite a disappointment to my students when I say, “Yeah, no. Most people who sign up for a meditation class are not doing it because they wish to feel more stressed.Īlmost always they are trying out meditation because they already have too much stress they want to find a way to feel calm and peaceful. Of course they do! We all want to feel calm and relaxed, all the time. My students know this of course, but even though they understand with their brilliant thinking minds that the goal of mindfulness meditation is not to feel calm and relaxed, they still really want to feel calm and relaxed. The “goal” of mindfulness meditation is to be curiously present with whatever is happening in the moment, be it deep relaxation or ants-in-your-pants restlessness. Even though they understand that the goal of mindfulness meditation is not to feel calm and relaxed, they still really want to feel calm and relaxed.
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